As Young As We Feel Page 5

  Marley reached over and patted Janie's bent back. "I know divorce isn't the same as death," Marley said, "but it comes with its own kind of grief."

  "There are all kinds of grief," Abby said quietly. "Not all related to death."

  "You know what's weird?" Caroline said. "Although I'm really sad about Cathy, it kind of feels like her death brought us together last night."

  Janie nodded as she sat up straight. "Strange, isn't it?"

  "And I have to say, it's been very cool being with you guys," Marley said. "Kinda like old times."

  "Old, old times." Caroline chuckled. "I mean, think about it: We've known each other for close to five decades. Doesn't that seem crazy? Are we really that old?"

  "And yet being with you three makes me feel younger." Abby smiled. "I can't even explain it, because earlier today I was thinking of how you all seem younger than me, but then I'm with you and I start to feel younger and happier. Well, except when I think about Cathy. That kind of takes the happy away."

  "I wish we lived closer together," Marley said sadly, "and that we could spend more time together."

  "I'll be here a few more days," Janie told them. "I have to check on my parents' house and get it ready to list with a realtor. But maybe we could do some things together as well."

  "I have to stick around too," Caroline said, "to help with my mom and figure some things out for her care. But I'd love to get together with you guys."

  "I have to leave tomorrow," Marley admitted.

  "We'll just enjoy what time we have," Caroline said. "And after seeing my mom and how she's deteriorated since the last time I was here, well, here's to youth." She held up her glass for a toast, and the rest of them followed suit.

  "So are you going to put your mom into some kind of assisted living?" asked Abby.

  "I'm not sure." Caroline frowned. "She's confused about a lot of things, but she's still determined not to leave her house. I feel bad trying to uproot her. I mean, I wonder how I'd feel if I were in her shoes. Who am I to say she can't live out her last days in her own house?"

  "That sounds like my mom," Abby told her. "Fortunately she's still in good health both mentally and physically. Paul's parents are too. We're lucky in that area."

  Marley wondered what area Abby was not lucky in. Perfect house, perfect marriage, perfect parents ... Abby's kids were probably perfect too. Marley didn't want to go there. She wasn't going to give in to the envy.

  "Still," Abby continued, "I don't look forward to the day when our parents do start to fail. It seems inevitable."

  "At least you'll have Paul to help carry the load." Caroline shook her head. "I thought my brother would help more, but he's just checked out. The way he lives, I won't be surprised if he's not the one needing care before long. Anyway, I'm pretty much on my own when it comes to my mom."

  "I can't get over the irony of it," Janie said. "I was barely finished caring for my own kids, and suddenly I was caring for my parents. Of course, they're gone now. But it seemed weird."

  "I heard someone on Oprah say that your fifties is a time when you need to take really good care of yourself," Abby told them. "A lot of us have been in the habit of neglecting ourselves to care for others, whether it's our kids or parents or grandkids. But if we keep that up, we might suffer the consequences."

  "And end up like Cathy?" ventured Janie.

  "She didn't have kids," Abby said. "But I know she'd been helping care for her elderly parents, and she was a workaholic to boot."

  "I know I've been guilty of putting things off," Marley admitted. "Things like regular checkups, and a social life, and doing what I want to do. Like painting. I have to agree with you, Abby. It's time to put ourselves back on the list."

  "Here, here." Caroline held up her margarita glass to make another toast. "Here's to putting ourselves back on the list."

  "And here's to renewing old friendships," added Marley.

  "And here's to taking better care of ourselves." Abby held up her glass.

  "And here's to living the life that you really want," Janie said. They all drank to these toasts, and then it grew quiet with just the background sound of surf and the occasional seagull.

  "So what is the life that you really want?" Caroline asked Janie.

  Janie sighed. "I'm not even sure."

  "But you're not happy doing what you're doing?" Caroline persisted.

  "Not really." Janie shook her head sadly. "Or maybe I'm just unhappy about life in general. It's hard to tell."

  "How about you?" Marley asked Caroline. "Are you happy about your LA life?"

  Caroline just laughed. "Are you kidding?"

  They all looked at Caroline with surprised expressions.

  "You seem happy," Janie pointed out.

  Caroline just waved her hand. "Oh, I'm pretty much an optimist, and I'm so used to acting cheerful. I'm sure I appear much happier than I feel."

  "Then why not make a change?" suggested Marley.

  "And do what?"

  Marley shrugged. "Whatever makes you happy."

  "I almost did that. Back when I was going through cancer treatment, I promised myself to make some changes if I survived. I was even ready to chuck the LA lifestyle and start over somewhere totally different. But then I got well, and life went on. I guess I sort of fell back into my old ways. And because the cancer would be a preexisting condition, I was afraid to give up my job and lose my health coverage. The restaurant I work for has a really comprehensive plan."

  "You work for a restaurant?" Abby looked surprised.

  "Yes." Caroline nodded. "The secret is out. I'm a waitress."

  It seemed that no one knew what to say.

  "Oh, don't feel sorry for me," she said. "It's one of the classiest restaurants in Beverly Hills, and I see famous people almost daily, and the tips are great."

  "That actually sounds kind of fun," Abby said.

  "But it's hard work." Caroline held up a tanned foot with a great pedicure. "It's not easy being on your feet all day. I can't imagine doing this into my sixties." She gasped. "Did I just say sixties?"

  "It'll be here sooner than you think," Marley said wryly. "It's like the older we get, the faster the hands on the clock seem to move. Before you know it ..."

  "That reminds me of Cathy again." Janie spoke slowly. "It makes me wonder: Do you think she wishes she'd lived her life differently?"

  No one responded to this. And Marley decided it was time to change the subject. "So we should plan our next get-together," she said suddenly. "When do we have the next Four Lindas reunion? And where?"

  "That's a great idea." Abby's eyes lit up. "You're welcome to have it here."

  And suddenly they were all offering their own towns as possibilities-LA, New York, Seattle-but Marley sensed the hesitation in everyone when it came to nailing down something specific. They all probably suspected it wasn't really going to happen. As fun as this had been, and as much as they'd enjoyed each other, they would probably all go home, get pulled back into their busy everyday lives, and put a Four Lindas reunion at the bottom of their to-do lists.

  "I think I hear the golfers coming in." Abby glanced at her watch. "Can you believe it's almost two? The others, if there are others, should be arriving soon. I better go check on the food."

  "And I need to freshen up." Caroline was already on her feet.

  "And I need to freshen up my drink," Marley joked.

  "And I need to simply sit here and soak up this view." Janie sighed and leaned back. "Because I know I'll be missing this place when I'm back in the city next week."

  Marley knew she'd be missing it too, even sooner than Janie, because Marley was leaving tomorrow. Not that Seattle wasn't a great place to live, and it did have some of the most gorgeous views on the planet. But it wasn't only the natural beauty of the seascape that Marley would miss. It was the whole small-town experience. She'd enjoyed those laid-back shopkeepers and the friendly folks at the coffee house as much as the leisurely walk on the beach. She
would miss it all. But mostly she'd miss her three friends and the comforting company of the Four Lindas.

  As she waited for the bartender to freshen her margarita, Marley considered extending her stay like Janie and Caroline were doing, but she knew it couldn't work for her. She was expected back in the gallery Tuesday morning at ten. And there was a big show to prepare for the following weekend. No. For her, time and responsibilities marched on. Whether she liked it or not, she had to march along with them.

  Chapter 6

  CAROLINE

  As Caroline touched up her makeup in Abby's powder room, she was well aware that her looks no longer turned heads like they used to, back when she was younger. At least not down in LA, where pretty young things were a dime a dozen. But up here in Clifden, with a bunch of fifty-something classmates, she was treated differently. She'd be a liar to say she hadn't enjoyed the attention she received last night.

  As she fluffed her hair and freshened her lip gloss, she remembered the training ground of her childhood. Her father had been a hard man-hard working, hard talking, hard drinking, and hard on her mom. So early on, Caroline discovered the need for softening him. She learned to turn on her sunshine and light in order to thaw her father's cold heart. Call it codependency or enabling; often it worked. The habit stayed with her.

  Exiting the powder room and feeling relatively pretty, Caroline turned on the charm. Shamelessly ego tripping, she worked the room, relishing the attention of her male classmates, moths to her flame. Then, noticing that more guys were outside, she headed out there. She knew it was pathetic to be so greedy for this kind of male attention, but it wasn't entirely selfish. She always repaid them with exactly what they wanted to hear.

  "No, I don't think bald men are unattractive," she assured Tom Barnes as she ran her hand over his pale, shiny head. "What about all these young athletes who shave their heads? It's very cool." The guys standing around her chuckled like they weren't buying this.

  "It won't be cool if that cue ball of yours gets sunburned." His wife sneaked up from behind him and smacked him on his head. "For heaven's sake, put your hat on, Tom!"

  Caroline laughed. "Now listen to your wife, Tom."

  "Speaking of wives, did you guys get a look at Ron Smiths new wife?" Keith Arnold's voice still held the same sleazy edge it had in high school. "She's one hot babe. My guess is she's young enough to be his daughter."

  "What happened to his last wife?" asked Caroline.

  "Guess he got tired of the old model." Keith chuckled. "When you've got the bucks that Ron's got, you can afford to be choosy about your wrist candy." He nudged Caroline with a sly grin. "But, hey, I'd be perfectly happy with someone like you for my trophy wife."

  "Oh, that's so generous of you," she said sarcastically. "But if you'll excuse me, I need to find someone." She broke away from her pack of beer-guzzling worshippers and went back inside the house. Her purpose was twofold: For one, she wanted to check out Ron Smiths new wife, but she also wanted to see if that handsome Victor had come.

  "There you are," Abby said as Caroline came into the den, where several old classmates were gathered.

  "We were just reminiscing about Cathy," Rob Jenson told her. "It's hard to believe she's really gone."

  Abby patted the spot next to her, signaling Caroline to join her on the leather sofa. "Do you remember when she tried out for cheerleading?"

  "Not until just now." Caroline sat next to her. "But yeah, I do remember. I was so shocked when she tried out for varsity even though she'd never been a cheerleader before. And then she tried out by herself. No one ever went solo. I actually thought it was very brave of her."

  "Well, she sure had spirit," Rob said sadly.

  "But not too much coordination." Abby shook her head. "I still can't believe she's gone."

  "I couldn't sleep much last night," Rob told them. "I kept thinking it should've been me to have the heart problem." He patted his large belly. "I'm overweight and my cholesterol is sky-high. Cathy was in great shape."

  "She was training for a marathon," Abby told them. "Jim Stuart just mentioned that she was signed up for one in September."

  "Well, I'll tell you what this has done for me," Rob said with determination. "I am going to start walking the beach again. My goal is to walk for one hour every day. I'll do it in honor of Cathy."

  "What a great idea," Abby agreed. "I should do that too."

  Caroline heard laughter coming from the living room, and although she felt guilty for not staying and memorializing Cathy, this group was kind of a downer. She stood. "So have you guys seen Ron Smiths new wife yet?" she asked quietly.

  Rob nodded eagerly. "Oh yeah, I saw her."

  "She's really young." Abby lowered her voice. "And she looks like she could be a swimsuit model, or maybe one of those Victoria's Secret angels. Not that I think they're so angelic."

  "I heard he met her in Vegas," Rob told them. "Maybe she was a showgirl."

  Caroline laughed. "I want to get a peek at her."

  "Sizing up the competition?" teased Abby.

  Caroline shrugged. "Just curious." She gave them a dainty finger wave. "Later, kids."

  Caroline resisted the urge to fluff her hair again as she went into the great room. Instead she glanced around in what she hoped was a nonchalant way until she spotted Ron Smith and the attractive young woman who was obviously his wife. Oddly enough, the girl seemed to be deep into a conversation with Marley. Caroline went over for a better look, and Marley introduced them.

  Caroline smiled brightly as they shook hands. "Nice to meet you, Cleo."

  "Cleo is an artist too," Marley told Caroline.

  "Really?" Caroline was surprised. Perhaps this girl was more than just wrist candy.

  "She does green sculpture."

  "Green sculpture?"

  Cleo chuckled. "Yes, I usually have to explain it. I recycle old junk to create new pieces of art. Mostly metal, but sometimes glass and wood, too."

  "Interesting."

  She nodded. "It was something I'd always wanted to do, but I never had the time before I married Ron."

  He turned from the conversation he was having with a couple of classmates and grinned. "Yeah, did Cleo tell you girls I support the arts?"

  "And maybe someday the arts will support you," Cleo tossed back at him.

  "Anyway, it keeps her out of trouble." Ron winked at Caroline. "Speaking of trouble, how are you doing these days?"

  "Trouble?" Cleo's brow creased. "What kind of trouble?"

  "Oh, Caroline and I used to get into all kinds of trouble, didn't we?" he teased.

  Caroline nodded. "Remember when we TP'd Mr. Brimson's yard?"

  "Or how about the time we kidnapped South Shore's mascot?"

  "It was a bulldog," Caroline explained to Cleo. "We dressed him in a pink tutu, then let him loose on the football field right before the game."

  "But no animals were harmed in the making of our prank," Ron assured her.

  "Of course, the poor bulldog was in therapy for years," Marley joked. "I heard he had gender-identity issues."

  They all laughed. Caroline glimpsed the back of Janie's head a few yards off and noticed that she was talking to Victor. Caroline elbowed Marley. "Did you see who Janie's with?" She nodded toward the kitchen, where the two were standing by themselves.

  Marley glanced over and smiled. "So he decided to come after all."

  "Should we go say hi?" asked Caroline.

  "Why not?"

  They excused themselves from Cleo and wandered over to where Janie and Victor were visiting. "Nice to see you made it," Marley told Victor.

  "I guess it's not as bad as I expected." He smiled at both of them.

  "I was just telling him that if no one talked to us, we could always take off and have our own little misfits reunion somewhere else," Janie told them.

  "Then you better take me along too," joked Marley.

  "Besides, we're talking to you now," Caroline said.

  "Hopefully it
's not just a mercy visit." Victor chuckled.

  "So, Victor, I'm curious," Marley began. "You said you moved back to Clifden recently."

  "Last spring."

  "What brought you back?"

  "Several things really." With a thoughtful expression he rubbed his whiskered chin. "For one thing, I was tired of the corporate rat race."

  "Who isn't?" said Marley.

  "I was at a place where I could make some changes in my life, so I sat down and asked myself what I wanted to do when I grew up."

  "How did you answer yourself?" Caroline inquired. "What did you want to do?"

  "I wanted to walk on the beach and fly fish and kayak and basically just take it easy."

  "Yeah." Marley sighed. "Who wouldn't?"

  "Does that mean you're retired?" Caroline asked.

  "Semi. I still do some consulting."

  "He worked in marketing," Janie explained. "In Chicago."

  "Which I don't miss at all."

  "Not even things like restaurants or the arts?" queried Janie.

  "Not yet."

  "And I'm guessing you won't miss the weather," Marley pointed out.

  "So you're a man of leisure." Caroline guessed that meant he was independently wealthy, too. So far no one had mentioned his marital status, and she had already noticed the absence of a wedding ring. But she wasn't about to ask.

  "Oh, I have some ideas for business projects I might like to try," he said. "That is, if I get bored with my current laid-back lifestyle, which doesn't seem terribly likely."

  "He's considering organizing a farmers' market," Janie told them. "To make more local produce available to people in Clifden."

  "My motives are selfish," he admitted. "I'd like to have local produce, and I can't seem to talk anyone into running with my idea. So maybe I'll have to run with it myself."

  "I think it's a brilliant idea," Marley said. "Kind of like Pike Place Market in Seattle."

  He laughed. "Only on a much smaller scale."

  "Where would you locate the farmers' market?" Caroline asked.